Do You Know Who You Are, Even With Broken Legs?

Over the last few weeks, my mind has been reflecting my journey here on earth and contemplating all that has transpired. This has really intensified as I fulfill my role of a grandmother. I gaze into the eyes of my precious granddaughters and just wonder what the world will be like for them in 15 or 20 years.

When I was a very young child, my father would place me on his back with my arms safely secured around his neck and instruct me that if I needed to come up for air, I was to tug on his neck and he would surface. What excitement I encountered as he dove deep down in the water and began our underwater adventure across the pool. I loved swimming with my father and holding tight as instructed. However, all too soon my father surfaced and I questioned him why as I had not tugged on his neck. He responded that he was worried and wanted to make sure I was okay. What peace and trust I placed on my father to see me safely across the pool.

As a young mother, I was blessed with three beautiful children who fulfilled my dreams of motherhood. My every desire was to be a valiant and courageous mother who cared for her little angels, help them navigate their own paths, and teach them to be kind, loving, and have faith to endure all that life had to offer. Memories of cradling my children, kissing their wounds, rocking them to sleep, reading them stories, singing their favorite songs, cheering them on during their sporting events, teaching them how to clean, throwing parties, the late night conversations both good and bad, teaching them how to drive, and preparing them each for their high school proms and graduations flood my mind and still I ponder did I teach them what they needed to help them endure.

Today I heard a young lady share her story about affliction. While on vacation with her family several years ago, she had sat down for a spell and when she went to stand up, she could not. After many tests, the doctors informed her that her leg bones in both legs were twisted and would need to be broken and reset. This would happen multiple times and each time brought excruciating pain and suffering. She prayed for healing and relief many times. She then began asking the questions, “What do you do during affliction when you reach out to the Savior and nothing happens? What’s wrong with my faith?” She became discouraged and felt her prayers were not being answered.

As with many, my personal Goliath came when my husband and I heard the words cancer. After seeing multiple oncologists, we were told the best they could do was get his cancer to lay dormant for a while, but there was no remission and no cure. We were provided initial statistics and the next course of treatment. Over the next five years, he would endure multiple treatments and surgeries all to try and prolong his life and maybe live long enough to find a cure. Most importantly, to have more time to spend with his family.

This anguish did not stop with my husband’s battle, but carried through to my children. Each of them dealt with their father’s affliction in various ways. Their faith in a loving Heavenly Father was now being questioned. They were now on their own personal journey of self-discovery and trying to truly learn who they were. I stood captivated by their father’s faith and love for his family – they were everything to him.

As parents, this affliction truly began our journey of understanding faith and recognizing miracles in our daily lives. Each day we are given is a miracle. Our children are a miracle. The ability to love is a miracle. The ability to forgive is a miracle. Modern medicine is a miracle. The beauty of the earth is a miracle. Even the afflictions in our lives are miracles. They are opportunities for us to reflect on our own lives and choose how we deal with them. We can choose to be bitter, angry, withdrawn, and set our lives on a course that leads to self-destruction and loneliness OR we can choose a life filled with blessings, family, forgiveness, and truly see the world with love, compassion, and a desire to serve. 

My sweet husband and I chose the path of love. We grew to trust our Heavenly Father and in His plan. While the journey was met with pain and suffering, we encountered great blessings along the way and gained a better understanding of what it means to have faith as we were sustained by many friends and family during our trial.

While the outcome of our trial was not what we had hoped for, our faith and love was strengthened. We never felt alone or that our prayers were not answered. They were answered in the way our loving Heavenly Father directed. We learned more about who we are during this trial and that we are loved no matter what, even when we are broken.

Just as the young lady struggled to understand her affliction through many personal efforts and harsh words, she learned she had to rediscover her faith. She knows that God accepts her no matter what even during her ugly moments.

This reflection while personal, has given me a renewed sense to be sure I let each of my children and grandchildren know they are loved no matter what. That I teach them to put their faith and trust in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help guide them in their own lives and learn who they are. To always have hope for a brighter tomorrow and see the miracles that are around us each and every day even when we have broken legs.

What's My Gift?

This year I have had the precious opportunity to really reflect over Christmas’ past and recall some of those special gifts I received. I remember the metal doll house I received when a little girl, the Baby Alive doll that would eat special food, and the Chrissy dolls my sister, Pam, and I received that you could make her hair grow short or long. At the time, these were very special and important gifts in my life.

 

Then I discovered the gift of giving. While my father was stationed in Seoul, Korea in the mid-70’s, our family was extremely blessed by joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and grew to love a special children’s home then known as The Tender Apples. We could feel of their genuine love even though they had little in the way of possessions. For two years, my family chose to give part of our Christmas to them. I still remember the excitement and expressions on their faces when they received our gifts. What I remember most is the feeling I felt within my heart knowing that I was truly helping others feel the gift of love.

 

 

In time, I began to have my own family and discovered a different kind of joy. I loved seeing my children rush out Christmas morning (with a little help from their father, aka “big” kid) to discover the gifts they received. Do I love receiving gifts – Absolutely! But I have found over the years, I welcome the true feeling of happiness I feel with giving. As my family grew, we tried to instill the feeling of giving by participating in the 12 Days of Christmas. We would pick a family that might not have much or needed a little pick me up and secretly deliver gifts each night until Christmas. We carried out this tradition for many years. We would also go caroling to nursing homes or when we delivered treats.

As our family continued to grow, so did the families of our siblings. It got to the point that exchanging gifts became more of a chore for each of us and as extended family, we decided that we would pick an organization and either provide gifts directly or donate money so others might feel the spirit of giving. This opportunity also helped our family learn the importance of giving and more importantly, teach us to love one another.

The years have passed; most of my children have left the nest and are embarking on their own adventures or beginning their own traditions. Sadly, I have realized those special feelings I once felt have eluded me with age. I have asked myself why I have let the spirit of giving dissipate from my life. I’m not really sure of the answer, but it has consumed my mind and heart over the last few weeks and months.

I have truly felt the love of my Savior in recent weeks and have witnessed many tender mercies in my own life. These blessings have brought me closer to my Savior and allowed me to ponder the gift of the Savior. His gift to each of us will always be unmatched. However, I have pondered much over the thought of what’s my gift? What is my legacy that I leave to those I love and those around me? Just as our Heavenly Father gave His Son out of love for each of us, so the Savior, Jesus Christ, gave of himself that we might be together forever one day. My gift is to live my life that it too brings joy, laughter, hope, and unconditional love to those around me. My most precious gift has been to be a mother. I am forever grateful for this gift as it has taught me patience, sacrifice, giving, but most of all unconditional love. I have experienced and endured many obstacles during my life and seen much suffering, but the one constant through every trial, adventure, heartache, and joy is the love I have for and received from my family. The gift I wish for my family is Love - love for each other, love for others, love of life, love for differences, and love of the Savior.

May each of us discover the gift of true love over the coming year!

 

I am a novice in many ways to all the latest technology. Trying to teach this old woman the new ways is both challenging and rewarding. So, here goes.

I was reminded today of the Lord's hand in my life in so many ways and I felt impressed to share some of those thoughts that they might inspire, uplift, or just remind some of you that the Lord is watching over each of us all the time. As I was sitting in church today, the speaker was sharing stories of the Mormon Pioneers and the faith they needed to have in order to endure both the physical and spiritual challenges that would await them. Most of the early pioneers were drawn to the gospel for various reasons and made the choice to follow their hearts and solidify their testimonies of the Savior through obedience. However, it was their faith in our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, that truly made the difference in their lives. This is my story of faith.

In June 1975, my family had the opportunity to travel half way around the world to unite with my father in Seoul, Korea who had already been deployed for 18 months.  My sweet mother was left alone to raise six children ages 16 to 6. (Need I say more!) As I have pondered the circumstances surrounding my family's adventure, there is no doubt in my mind of the Lord's hand in leading our family to this faraway land. My father was given an opportunity to command a battalion and accepting this command meant his chances for a long-term deployment decreased significantly. However, the thought of leaving my mother and six children for another year was not something that either of my parents desired. I don't know all the details, but normally the military would not send an officer's family overseas for only a year, let alone one with six children. However, my father was able to plead his case and with encouragement from the general, our family was off to the Land of the Morning Calm.

Shortly after our arrival, the battalion compound that my father commanded was holding a special prayer breakfast and one of his servicemen arranged to have a special performance by a group of American young men and an all girl singing group known as the New Horizons and Tender Apples. All I remember about this day is how I felt when I heard them sing and the excitement my parents felt as the youngest girl in the group touched my parents with her enchanting smile. At the end of the performance, they sang a beautiful song I had never before heard, "I Am a Child of God."  A seed was planted that day and I did not even realize it.

Over the next few months, my parents investigated the possibility of adopting this young girl who spoke no English other than the words she sang, but had such an infectious personality. They were informed that the young lady belonged to a children's home and that the likelihood of adoption was slim since we were not of her religious faith. What was this faith you ask?  It was The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At the time I only ever remember hearing this name once before when two young men knocked on our door in Woodbridge, Virginia and after listening to their message, my parents thanked them and sent them on their way. So, what was different this time? The Lord's timing. Over the next six months, my family listened to the missionaries (16 different ones I might add), attended what was called Family Home Evenings many times at the Tender Apples Children's Home, and began attending church. I thought this would be a challenge since it would now be for three hours, not one. Again, another seed was planted.

Then, on a bitter cold winter's night at the Mission Home, most of my family was baptized. This special night also commemorates the birth of our Savior. Yes, that's right, December 25, 1975. And so, my journey of faith began. So, what does all this have to do with the Lord's hand? My family was granted the opportunity to travel to Korea when we should not have been, we attended a prayer breakfast at my father's battalion compound to hear a beautiful message and were introduced to a sweet young girl named Kim Ok Jin which pricked my family's heart and knew she needed to be part of it, and met many young men who were willing to sacrifice two year's of their lives to share a message dear to their hearts with us. Coincidence some may say, but for me, it was the Lord's hand preparing, guiding and directing our family to a place and with individuals that would forever change our lives.

While my faith continues to be tested, nurtured, strengthened and renewed each and every day, I am reminded of these days not really so long ago that gave me a strong foundation on which to build my life. Faith is something each of us must seek for and discover for ourselves and trusting in our Heavenly Father to guide us and direct us and recognizing His hand in all we do. There are so many individuals over the years that helped that first seed to grow and aided in my personal recognition of the Lord's hand in my life--Heather, Sean, Brown Sisters, Mary Perriton, Rhinda Bennion, Lisa, Kelly,Teresa, entire Springfield Ward gang, among many others. My sincere love and gratitude to each of you for the part you played in building my faith to where it stands today.

The Lord's hand is in everything around us, family, friends, rainbows, sunshine, a newborn child, or lost loved one. When we learn to open our eyes and truly seek His hand will we find it.